he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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