You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
