I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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