pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
