Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
