my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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