I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
