Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
