We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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