In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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