Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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