Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
