why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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