im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
