At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
