My hand turned me down
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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