I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
