I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
