He asked to "fluff my boner.."
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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