dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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