Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
