I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
