maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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