one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
