I met the friendliest cop last night
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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