yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
