I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
