i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
