I'm gonna have a badass scar
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
