So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
