Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
