If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
