we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
