I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
