I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
