dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
