If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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