I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
