Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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