she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
