and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
