I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
