You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
