Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
