last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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