please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
