Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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