hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He felt like a one man threesome
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
