can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
