who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
