Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
