Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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