Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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